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1.31.2003

A good read and a score one for my peeps of old:

Pictures from another time...a better time...a time of ritual sacrifice.
People, kids come in three categories:

1. Wierd
2. Bratty
3. Genius

1.30.2003

I work in a teaching position at the Atlanta History Center. My job is to teach kids American history as it relates to the South, and specifically, the state of Georgia and city of Atlanta. Our most famous and visited exhibit is our Civil War gallery. It is the reason people come here. Among others, this is one tour we give to school groups that come here for some solid learnin'. We, as educators, are expected to know our history and convey it properly to the students. So, why has one of the newly hired educators posed the following questions 15 minutes before giving a Civil War tour (I've changed the names to protect the stupid):

Em: I'm about to give my first United We Stand tour and I just have a few questions.
Ken: Okay, sure, what do you need?
Em: Ok, so, "civil war", what was that all about?
Ken: Are you serious?
Em: Yeah, I mean, why did we fight it? What happened there?
Ken: Well, the Civil War, also known as the War Between the States wa----
Em: But, we weren't actually called the United States then, right? I mean, we weren't the United States of America until after the Civil War, right? Something about President Washington???
Ken: Uh...no, the South seceded from the United States of America to become the Confederate States of America.
Em: Well, what does that mean, "confederate"? And was Jefferson president of the Confederate States.
Ken: Jefferson?
Em: Yes, Thomas Jefferson. And George Washington was president of the North, right?
Ken: *head implodes*

This is not a joke. This ACTUALLY happened. I am saddened at the state of education.
*For fans of Dolemite -

Question of the Year posed by Mike G.:

Why doesn't Bush just come right out and say it ? "We have the right to bomb the living shit out of Iraq due to evidence brought forth by Lady Queen Bee!!!"

My next mission:

workerbee: i smell pickles.
Koku: oh
Koku: that ain't right
Koku: i hate pickles
Koku: deep inside
workerbee: i LUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUV PICKLES
Koku: i hate them
Koku: and in chicago
Koku: people are so fucking ghetto
Koku: they put peppermint
Koku: sticks in them
workerbee: do they eat pickles
Koku: and eat them like so
workerbee: OH SHIT
Koku: yes
workerbee: in texas we used to eat pickles with now n laters or blow pops in them
Koku: haha
workerbee: and it is indeed quite ghetto
Koku: see GHETTO
workerbee: LMAO
Koku: haha that shit is ghetto as hell
workerbee: <---ghetto
Koku: you must have been in an *ahem* "urban" neighborhood
Koku: *puts rollers IN head to buy groceries*
workerbee: and we used to line our lips with dark liner and put light gloss inside
workerbee: LMAO
Koku: hahah
Koku: lmao oh
Koku: i loved doing that
Koku: haha omg...that shit was soo fucking ghetto
workerbee: all things ghetto
workerbee: we should start a ghetto reminiscence page
workerbee: and let everyone include their ghetto memories
workerbee: like dating boys with cornrows filled with lint
Koku: hahah
Koku: lmao
Koku: LMAO HAHAHAHAHAH
workerbee: walkin' around with a piece of greasy fish or chicken wrapped in a napkin and aluminum foil in their pocket
Koku: YES!!
workerbee: dude.
Koku: putting koolaid and sugar in a sandwich bag and licking it up w/your index finger
workerbee: OH HELL YEAH i used to LOVE THAT
workerbee: lmao
Koku: LMAO
workerbee: man i would do it now
workerbee: i would
Koku: LOL oh i would too
Koku: if it weren't for these dastardly clear braces
Koku: i'd be all over it
workerbee: hahaha

1.29.2003

God I want to adopt every freakin' dog I see. If you want a dog, consider adopting an adult or rescued dog.

Check out these places for adoption services:

Atlanta Humane Society
Pet Orphans
Golden Retreiver Rescue of Atlanta
Atlanta Pet Rescue
Collie Rescue of Atlanta
These guys rescue the Lassie collies, and my personal favorite...BORDER COLLIES!

Or go look up animal rescue / pet adoption at Google.

If you know me, you know that Richard Pryor is one of my personal heroes. Regardless of his past, I still love the man and his comedic genius. But he's led a sad, bizarre, tormented life. And it is now being brought to the small screen on the E! True Hollywood Story, premiering February 2. If I don't have cable by then, someone tape it for me please.

But anyway, I was at E! Online where they gave a quick bio of the man and the article said "get to know him a little better with a few fun facts". A few FUN FACTS? What the fuck? Do they think he grew up in Disneyland or what? For example:

Fun Fact #1: Richard was the son of a prostitute and the grandson of a churchgoing madam. He watched his mother turn tricks and was molested from an early age by a pedophile.

Fun Fact#2: He dropped out of school at age 14 and began shining shoes and working in pool halls and strip joints.


Fun Fact #3: In 1958, he joined the army but was jailed after he stabbed a white recruit who was fighting with a black soldier.

Fun Fact #4: Through the years, he sired multiple children by multiple women and was married multiple times. He achieved commercial success with movies and comedy albums despite his womanizing, drug use and drinking.

Fun Fact #5: During the birth of his daughter Elizabeth Anne, Richard was in jail for marijuana possession.

Fun Fact#6: Pryor was sentenced to a year in jail and fined $10,000 for failing to pay his taxes from 1967 to 1970. The fine was reduced to $2,500, and he served only 10 days in jail.

Fun Fact #7: While freebasing cocaine, Pryor doused himself with cognac and lit himself on fire in what he later called a suicide attempt. While on fire, he ran from his home through the streets. He spent more than six weeks in the hospital recovering from third-degree burns that covered over 50 percent of his body.

Fun Fact #7: In the summer of 1986, Pryor was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis, a degenerative disease of the central nervous system that causes vision and motor-skills problems.

Fun Fact #8: In May 1991, Pryor suffered a massive heart attack, his third. He survived quadruple-bypass surgery and vowed to make the most of his latest chance at life.


Wow. His life has been just so fun.

Those E! Online writers are high on the goofballs.





This bullshit sounds a lot like what the jerk I dated in high school used to pull on me.

But he was crazy. This...well this is just funny.
The AIMs of our Lives:

workerbee: did you get the messages earlier
workerbee: that I GOT THE CALL
NYPlastic: yea
workerbee: that i'm goin' to the show
NYPlastic: that's why i went "YAY!" earlier
NYPlastic: it wasn't a random YAY!
workerbee: oh. i thought you were just being gay
NYPlastic: hmph
I love The Onion. If I were going to write for a living, I would want to write like that. Or like this.
This is just so upsetting.

1.28.2003

I am worth exactly: $1,734,052.00.

Find out what you are worth.
I mean, I barely knew they were dating and they go and split up on me.

Pay attention:
well i'm sure we've had it up to our necks with all the hype. isn't it amazing how something very simple, pure, sweet, and innocent can be blown so far out of proportion? who really gives a shit that i wanna be with britney spears? it seems as if everyone does. the only person that should give a shit is britney. i never meant to be in this situation. shit happens. whats the big deal? yeah she is a big POP star and her last relationship with another big POP star was a big deal, but damn y'all need to chill. do you think i should not like someone because you don't want me too? fuck that!! ... all the media is doing is trying to create a lot of controversy. to them its just more interesting to make up lies and crazy dramatic shit. i've heard and seen some unbelievable things since i've been liking her. now all the media has done is twisted the whole thing around and made other people come back running. and i assure you that anything besides that fact that i definately have feelings for britney isn't true. it is simple, honest, and pure. thats that. .... i don't give a fuck about anything anyone thinks and definately the media. lets just drop this right here in the bizkit camp. lets move on. ... next time ill fall in love with a tree.
--Fred Durst, 1/20/03


To quote..."Who really gives a shit...?"

Really. Who gives a flying pig fuck?




Go claim what's rightfully yours:

www.UNCLAIMED.org

1.27.2003

AIMLand waste:

workerbee: i'm getting a free makeover today
CrankBunny: oh?
workerbee: which i was calling a "facial" until m's perversion put an end to that
CrankBunny: hahahaha
CrankBunny: niceee
CrankBunny: "facial"
CrankBunny: LMAO
workerbee: he kept saying "oh i'll give you a facial"
CrankBunny: bwah hahahahahah
CrankBunny: ohhhh that goldman
workerbee: LMAO indeed. indeed.

1.25.2003

Devon Knows How They Make Socialism So Creamy.


This is wonderful. Regress, people. Regress.

1.24.2003

I've been inspired by this site and other ghost story sites to tell my own little personal ghost experiences:

As unbelievable as it sounds, I have experienced a few paranormal situations in my life. Most, I'd have to concede, are a product of my [still] hyperactive imagination. However, there are 2 that I have no doubt about.

When I was 19, my great-grandmother died. She was 93, sweet, and all the things grandmothers are supposed to be. She went peacefully and after a long bout with cancer. Regardless, this was of no comfort to a family as tight-knit and dependant upon each other as mine. It was a hard loss, and especially hard for my grandmother, my mother's mother, who had been at her side virtually every day since birth. We had the funeral on a Friday, and that night, we slept at her house. All of my cousins, uncles, aunts, my sister, brother, and my mom decided to have their own ceremony at a pond in the back of my grandmother's land. I decided against going because I was physically and emotionally drained, so I stayed at my great-grandmother's house with my grandmother and 2 very young cousins. I was the last one awake in the old house, and for once not afraid to be alone in the dark in a house that was notoriously haunted by 3 to 4 familial ghosts. Around 11, I decided it was time for sleep. I crawled into bed with my grandmother, who had been asleep for hours, with my two young cousins asleep on the floor. The light in the kitchen was on in case one of them woke up. I had barely closed my eyes when I felt someone tugging on my shoulder. I thought it was one of my cousins wanting something so I opened my eyes and there was nobody standing there. My cousins and grandmother were sound asleep and I could still feel the hand clasped on my shoulder. It was not at all scary. In fact, I felt more comforted than I had been in the previous days and decided it was my great-grandmother saying everything was okay. The next morning I told my grandma about it and she said that she had been visited, as well, and had felt something pulling on her toes. My great-grandmother, who spoke no English [or rather CHOSE not to speak English] was always joking around with us, always playful, and always laughing. It was a very sweet end to a life I have revered and respected since I was old enough to know.

The second experience came when I was 24 years old. I grew up not knowing my biological father, and in the summer of 1999, I decided it was time to contact him and see the brothers and sisters I knew I had but had never seen. Our first meeting took us to a tiny town in Oklahoma about 15 miles outside of Oklahoma City called Littleaxe. This is where my two younger brothers and younger sister lived with their mother. She and my father were divorced, but still great friends. After arriving late and catching up til the early morning hours, we decided to stay the night and head back to my grandmother's in the morning. It was around 5 am when I went to bed in the the youngest brother's room. I was tired, but still awake and excited from meeting all the new family members. I was laying in the twin bed on my right side, with my right arm sort of splayed out over the edge of the mattress, dozing. All of a sudden, I felt something PULLING, or basically YANKING, my hand and pulling me down, like it was coming from underneath the bed. I thought for a second I was dreaming and told myself to "Wake up". However, I realized I was wide awake, actually watching my arm being pulled on. I yanked back and stared at the floor for a minute. I convinced myself I actually was dreaming and closed my eyes to try to fall back asleep. Moments later, I felt a hand run it's fingers through my hair starting from my forehead, but it was pressing so hard on my head that I actually could not move it! I could not even sit up. It ran it's fingers through my hair very violently and then pulled the hair at my crown so that I still could not move my head. I was FREAKED. I was trying to yell or say something but I could not get the words out. I was literally frozed with fear! I was making these strange squeaking sounds because I could not muster a voice. Finally, after what seemed like a few minutes of struggle I managed to eke out "STOP IT!" and the invisible hand was suddenly gone. I jumped up and turned the light on and did not fall back asleep until the sun came out. It was a terrible, horrifying experience.

Got a story? Email me.


1.22.2003

God. Life IS good.

The Periodic table of Funk
HOLY F***ING CHRIST!

Snoop D-O-Double-G has a fucking BLOG!!!

Dude. Life is so wonderful to me sometimes.
The good old days when I was motivated to do stuff.
We were funny once and young.
Oh yeah, I've been LINKED:

http://easyskankin.blogspot.com

However, it's in Spanish. Get thee to a translator.

I've also been found in a Yahoo search under "skin discoloration". Lovely. Bitch I know who I am.
It's been awhile since my last update. Forgive me. I was afflicted with the Lucifer Strain of the influenza virus. Pure, uncut evil. The Devil himself was involved. I know. I saw him. I was sick for 9 DAYS. 9 FREAKIN' DAYS. Now, if I lived in a village in Rwanda, I could understand being sick with the same disease for 9 days, and probably more. But I live in the medically progressive States, without health care. So, no antibiotics, no needles, no IVs. Not even a dr. visit. Nope, just chicken soup and orange juice, double shots of the 'Quil, ibuprofen, cough drops, chloraseptic, warm salt water gargles, and some OTC stuff that made me hallucinate. Really. Some basic over the counter meds made me SEE THINGS [e.g. The Devil]. The rationale: meds are calibrated for European systems. Not my rinky-dink American Indian system.

However, I am better now. Even though for a few days at the tail end there I thought I might be afflicted with something other than just the flu. For instance: mono, cancer, Crohn's, sickle cell, repentance. You know, the usual list.

At any rate, I am looking for a new job. Just one job. No more of this 2 p/t garbage with no insurance. So, EARTHLINK, INC. please hear my cries. HIRE ME.

1.08.2003

Mississippi's rank out of 50 states for charitable giving as a percentage of income:

6



Mississippi's rank out of 50 states in average personal income:

49



-----------------------------------------------------------------------------


New Hampshire's rank for charitable giving as a percentage of income:

45



New Hampshire's rank in average personal income:

6



1.03.2003

The genius of J-Lo:

Dear Ben

You're perfect..
Oh... perfect...

I just can't control myself
I can't be with no one else
It seems like I'm addicted to the way you like to touch me
I don't think they understand
Why love at your command from
The words you speak so deep
Our bodies read
I have to have you...

I love you...
You're perfect
A manifestation of my dreams

You made my...
Body feel
About a million different things...

I think God made you for me
A mix of passionate fidelity
Baby you're so complete
I write this song to let you know
That you will always be to me
My lust, my love, my man, my child, my friend
and my king...

There's no way
I'd leave you
It's just not a reality

Sometimes I...
Feel like I'm...
Livin' in a fantasy...



Currently enjoying: My genius in comparison to J-Lo.
What the hell is THIS,exactly?

I know it was you that did it, you lonesome loser.
Wonders from AIMland:

CranKbuNNy: *puts on corey hart "classic"*
CranKbuNNy: 8-)
workerbee: <---listening to Taco "Puttin' on the Ritz"
workerbee: I'm sorry, but I beat you out in the "classics" dept
CranKbuNNy: oh no
CranKbuNNy: hahaha
CranKbuNNy: yea...that really does beat the sunglasses
CranKbuNNy: fuking ritz
CranKbuNNy: *jazzhands*
workerbee wants to send file D:\My Shared Folder\Store Music\Taco - Puttin' On The Ritz.mp3.
CranKbuNNy: oh
CranKbuNNy: i don't think they allow this sort of thing
CranKbuNNy: hahaha
CranKbuNNy: actually
CranKbuNNy: i don't allow this sort of thing
CranKbuNNy declined request; the file will not be sent.
workerbee: oh
CranKbuNNy: but i will get up and tap

1.01.2003

OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD. Rowesam666 from IMDb.com is now my hero:

You're right!!! I've been so stupid!



Ed Note re: previous Eyes Wide Shut post

Shall I quote david2001 and all his brilliance? This line can't be beat:

"why Alice broke down and cry?"

Looks like someone tried to modify some Salon.com You poor thing.
An actual conversation I had with an off-the-clock co-worker regarding Eyes Wide Shut and the previous post:

Him: It's brilliant.
Me: It's ridiculous.
Him: It's 'minimalist baroque', *smirk & a nudge-nudge wink-wink type look* that is, if anything can actually be minimalist baroque. Hardiddly har. *stands staring off into distance in utter and total amazement at his profound comprehension of Kubrick's subtle genius* *Thinks to self 'What a fucking genius I am! And oh yeah, Kubrick, too!*
Me: Minimalist baroque? You mean maximum crap!

Here is where I fall apart with laughter and The Co-Worker in question makes his haughty exit, back to the netherland that is Hall County.



If any of you have ever seen that waste-of-celluloid Eyes Wide Shut, you may "enjoy" this little "interpretation" [from david2001 at IMDb.com] that reflects Kubrick's "genius" in this "movie". Some "interesting" points, but still all in all a piece of "crap".

KIDMAN IS A MEMBER OF THE ORGY SECT


People, meet Beer Chan.

Currently enjoying: Aimee Mann "Lost in Space"
My [Value Village] new fleece sweatshirt.

Currently not enjoying: Being at work on a day when NOT ONE CUSTOMER will come into the store and The Man will pay more in wage and utilities than he will make in profit. Oh, you silly fool.


Do you need to know that somewhere in the world everything is alright?


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