This guy has the quote of the year, so far:

"This equal rights stuff has gotten out of hand..."

Yes, equal rights are wildly out of control.


Currently enjoying a song called I Only Love You When I'm Drunk. I don't know the band name, but if someone does, let me know.
Okay, I had to edit.

I'm not sure if this is for real.
This is amazing.

Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone,
Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,
Silence the pianos and with muffled drum
Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.


Dude. I have to plug ThePlug.net, a site filled with pure, inspired genius. And, because The Plug guy tracked me down on AIM (which, granted, is not hard) and anonymously threatened that I'd "get mine" on Friday. I CAN'T WAIT. I am shaky with anticipation. I mean, Ozzy Osbourne shaky.

I thought it was those "people" I "owe". Thank god it wasn't.

At any rate, Boz is not entertained tonight, and that makes me wish I had a webcam so that I could put on my world famous Sock Monkey Puppet Show starring Sock Monkey and his friend, The Ferret. Oh, what laughs we would have.

Too bad I'm technically challenged.
I am really empathizing with Sarah B. and Kerry at The Safeword. People I don't even know except through text. Albeit witty, humorous, bless-ed text.

It sucks to stand idly by and watch your heart ripped out of your chest, stepped on, wrung out, partially eaten and then stuffed down your throat where it will stay for weeks and weeks so you can barely swallow while your eyes are constantly on the edge of overflow and your mouth is ready to scream obscenities and your arms are ready to swing. I've been there a lot recently and am not ready to go back. Yet I stand on the edge of it all the time.

I'm with you both. I hope you get angry. Then sad. Then melancholy. Then OVER IT.

chez pink: so like
chez pink: tobes is in woodburry
chez pink: w/ his dadddy
chez pink: sorry i was at the dmv for 4 hours
workerbee: oh i just talked to him
workerbee: he's back
chez pink: you know where he should work
chez pink: is at the damn dmv
chez pink: b/c he could sit there all day and go, "MA'AM!! PLEASE PROVIDE THE PROPER FORMS!!"
chez pink: and really enjoy it
workerbee: oh yeah
workerbee: he would have such a hard on for that job
chez pink: oh he really would

Quote of the Day-

"I do not want to make waves, nor do I want to be party to any wave-making."


There are deep, meaninful chats about theology on AIM:

workerbee818: do YOU think jesus would stop fucking with me if i asked
workerbee818: did you read my blog
workerbee818: otherwise you will really not get that
hotdamndoyle: um....i don't think it's jesus
workerbee818: hehe
workerbee818: i'm just saying
workerbee818: if it WAS jesus
workerbee818: he would.
hotdamndoyle: oh yeah...totally
hotdamndoyle: The Christ knows when it's gone too far
workerbee818: course he probably wouldn't be fucking with me in the first place
workerbee818: hahaha
workerbee818: or maybe he would
workerbee818: He seems to be playing this apocalyptic return crap for all its worth
workerbee818: i mean
hotdamndoyle: Jesus has a sense of humor, no doubt....but, i don't see him much as one to make jokes at anothers expense
workerbee818: the joke is over
workerbee818: it's been 2000 years
workerbee818: c'mon
workerbee818: it's dead
workerbee818: flat
workerbee818: finit
workerbee818: you're right
workerbee818: but someone deity somewhere is laughing at me
workerbee818: fucking with my head
hotdamndoyle: it's Loki
workerbee818: like some overdeified frat god
workerbee818: drunk from the endless tap of his own power
hotdamndoyle: hahaha

RE: The last entry

More appropriately, What Would Jandek Do?
An open letter to The World:

Dear World,

I can't get my head straight if you keep fucking with it. Please, ask yourself, what would Jesus do? Jesus would stop fucking with me once I asked.




I'm a genius. I fixed my comments. I am now sending Enetation an invoice for labor hours.
When the comments by Enetation don't work, please resort to the ZonkBoard on the bottom left or just email me.

Thank you.

Overheard today at the bookstore I work in:

Lady on phone: (in monotone) I care. I care deeply.
Lady on phone: (in same monotonous tone) No really. I care very deeply. Really.

You know, I don't think she did.
Why god WHY was I not as smart at this kid when I was in high school?


Now, instead of being a dysfunctional child who hates everything and everyone but eventually goes to college, grows up, and gets over it, I'm a dysfunctional adult who hates everything and everyone.
You want literature? You got it! ATLANTA!!! ARE YOU READY TO REEEEEEEEEEAD???

I've been reading Blood Meridian by the brilliant and deranged Cormac McCarthy. If you haven't read it, or don't read, this piece should give you an indication of what you are missing out on. If I could write like this - hell if I could think like this - I wouldn't be where I am now. I present to you The Judge:

"An enormous man dressed in an oilcloth slicker had entered the tent and removed his hat. He was bald as a stone and he had no trace of beard and he had no brows to his eyes nor lashes to them. He was close on to seven feet in height and he stood smoking a cigar even in this nomadic house of God and he seemed to have removed his hat only to chase the rain from it for now he put it on again.

The reverend has stopped his sermon altogether. There was no sound in the tent. All watched the man. He adjusted the hat and then pushed his way forward as far as the crateboard pulpit where the reverend stood and there he turned to address the reverend's congregation. His face was serene and strangely childlike. His hands were small. He held them out.

Ladies and gentlemen I feel it my duty to inform you that the man holding this revival is an imposter. He holds no papers of divinity from any institution recognized or improvised. He is altogether devoid of the least qualification to the office he has usurped and has only committed to memory a few passages from the good book for the purpose of lending to his fraudulent sermons some faint flavor of the piety he despises. In truth, the gentleman standing here before you posing as a minister of the Lord is not only illiterate but is also wanted by the law in the states of Tennessee, Kentucky, Mississippi, and Arkansas.

Oh God, cried the reverend. Lies, lies! He began reading feverishly from his opened bible.

On a variety of charges the most recent of which involved a girl of eleven years -- I said eleven -- who had come to him in trust and whom he was surprised in the act of violating while actually clothed in the livery of his God.


This is him, cried the reverend, sobbing. This is him. The devil. Here he stands.

Let's hang the turd, called an ugly thug from the gallery to the rear.

Not three weeks before this he was run out of Fort Smith Arkansas for having congress with a goat. Yes lady, that is what I said. Goat.


The baldheaded man was already at the bar when they entered...By now men were piling through the doorway, bleeding, covered in mud, cursing. They gathered about the judge. A posse was being drawn to pursue the preacher.

Judge, how did you come to have the goods on that no-account?

Goods? said the judge.

When was you in Fort Smith?

Fort Smith?

Where did you know him to know all that stuff on him?

You mean the Reverend Green?

Yessir. I reckon you was in Fort Smith fore ye come out here.

I was never in Fort Smith in my life. Doubt that he was.

They looked from on to the other.

Well, where was it you run up on him?

I never laid eyes on the man before today. Never even heard of him

He raised his glass and drank."

Call me at the store for your copy.


I don't know why when I was reading about Lesbian Japanese Monkeys I kept reading Lebanese Japanese Monkeys. Lebanese. Like, uh, what?
Shout out and mad props to Mrs. Kennedy at Whatsthefuss.com for recognizing my need and enabling my addiction to "Puttin' on the Ritz" Peter Boyle-styleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

Get thee to the Young Frankenstein (that's FRONK-UHN-SCHTEEN) Sounds Page.

Or Catshit crazy. Whatever.
God, I'm totally obsessed with myself. And this blog.

Sorry to Koku for stealing this pic but it was very necessary. I will take it down when it stops filling my heart with laughter and just becomes something very, very sick and saddening.

Yet another reason I don't support the hair band resurgence. People die.
If you are moderately literate, you will love this.
A sexy panther jigsaw puzzle.

Oh, you will know love.

THIS is more pure, unadulterated internet genius. Thank you, Plug. You have made a really shit day decent.
Saw Mission of Burma last night at The EchoLounge. It rocked pretty hard, although I don't remember most of it. And the great show and good time was of course overshadowed by my complete jealousy-induced meltdown. I love fiercely, and don't want to feel I have property rights to anyone. But I did anyway.

Jealousy can be cruel. And so can I.


Friends, bloggers, countrymen, I present to you what I consider to be the most profound evidence of genius on the internet since Al Gore created it:

U.S. Senator Robert Byrd makes the point.
Back when I was a writer.
it's at times such as this
she'd be tempted to spit
if she wasn't so ladylike

she imagines how she might have lived
back when legends
and history collide

so she looks to the prince
finding since he's so
slumped at her side

those days are recalled
on the gallery wall
and she's waiting

for passion and humor to strike

what shall we do
what shall we do
with all this useless beauty?

-Elvis Costello

When what was once clear becomes fuzzy...

In the worst pain in recent memory, I was completely alone. By choice, not because there weren't people to go to. In the few days it took me to realize that something was really wrong and the subsequent and necessary fix, my entire set of life goals changed. Completely. What happens now? Who do I tell? And who would understand it if I don't just yet?

The things I wanted before seem silly now.

Sadly yours...


Sorry I haven't updated, dear Blogger. You sit and wait so patiently and I bring you this query:

Why did MY BLOG come up in someone's sick-ass search for "stories of brothers fucking"?


If anyone out there can find me and MP3 of the version of "Puttin' on the Ritz" from Young Frankenstein, you will be rewarded with my first born son. Send info here.
If you search Yahoo for Taco's "Puttin' on the Ritz" MP3, Exit Zero is #35!

I vow, I will not stop until I'm #1.



My love for penguins is brought to life in this Penguin Parade.
High-profile racism still exists? Duh.

I don't drink Pepsi anyway, so I'm way ahead of my time with this boycott.
Sweet, sweet AIM. Where the real me is nowhere to be found:

workerbee: so you went to the phoenix
workerbee: you broke down and WENT TO THE PHOENIX
workerbee: i hope you took a scalding hot bath in some clorox
workerbee: i asked tobias "was it sticky? cause that looks like a place that would be really sticky,"
workerbee: he was like "yeah"
Koku: ahah
Koku: dude
Koku: that place was sooo grosss
workerbee: and apparently sexist
workerbee: the largest oppressed minority was really turning people away
Koku: LOL I know
Koku: i mean that guy was sooo appalled
Koku: that i was in there
Koku: we should have taken pictures
Koku: it's the worst club in the world.
Koku: it's like worse than any hole in the wall decatur hangout that you can think of
Koku: same element...as far as horribly gross slimy greasy old men
Koku: but these men are ghey...
workerbee: it's like the third world in there
workerbee: gross
workerbee: like HIV is hopping off the bar into drinks
workerbee: i really should not have said that...
Koku: hahha
Koku: LMAO
Koku: haha
Koku: i mean..you SHOULDNT have..but it was funny
Koku: *dodges the virus*
workerbee: LMAO
Koku: whoo! almost caught it!
workerbee: *puts index finger in beer bottle hole*
Koku: hahha
Koku: *takes drink to the bathroom with me*
workerbee: exactly
workerbee: someone might try to slip a little more than a roofie in there
workerbee: *wakes up pregnant*
Koku: hahah hlmao
Koku: LOL
Koku: hahha
workerbee: *with ghey baby*
Koku: oh gawd..

Speaking of the HIV virus, I read this crazy article about ghey men who are actively trying to get it. ACTIVELY. They are having slippery, fully nekkid, bareback sex with others to catch it. One interviewee says it will be "the most erotic thing I can imagine." Terrifying. Read about it here.
I actually wish my online persona were more like my real-life persona. Douglas Peltz begs to differ:

The Onion


I was talking about Sublime Sunday (which sounds like it should be a music show on 99x or some station equally lame). However, cheesy CA-"punk" band aside, it has been a wonderful Sunday. Let me tell how it shaped up:

Actually, the story for my excellent Sunday started last night, at a wonderful restaurant on Buford Hwy called Pancho's. Now, Pancho's food is decent, although not anywhere near Nuevo Laredo calibur...but...there was mariachi. Oh, yes, and if you know me you know I love the mariachi. So much so that Mike got the business TWICE in one day. But, that's a story for another forum.


--I woke up this morning and lay in that sort of dream-y state between sleep and full awareness listening to Mike in the other room practicing the Carcassi studies. Classical guitar is a sweet thing to wake up to.
--Got in some good snuggling.
--Was treated to a private concert of American folk songs interpeted on 12-string guitar by the love of my life.
--More snuggle.
--Inspired, I made oatmeal with brown sugar, cinnamon, and a hint of vanilla. Gourmet, indeed. Kroger Oats kill. Plus Lender's bagels. Oh, yes, it was amazing.
--Searched Google for "Chupacabra Costume" and found a genius design. Halloween will never be ready.
--Watched the "Checkmate" episode of The Prisoner. Patrick McGoohan's hard stare is a force to be reckoned with.
--More snuggle.
--Took a long and hot, hot shower with Bath & Body vanilla scented glamour soap. Came out smelling like a cookie.
--Treated Daddy Mike to a Caribou mocha coffee (my choice, since he is not a coffee drinker), to which he posed the question "Did you get me a chick drink?". Showed him my whipped creamed iced mocha and said "You could have had this." Had a little giggle and a little more snuggle.
--Made it to work in a wonderful mood. For once, not pissed to have to be here. Although the weather outside is sunny and a balmy 60-plus degrees. Could be with the dogs, but instead making $6.50 an hour. Sometimes, it's about sacrifice.

Regardless of my dog-less afternoon, it's been a good day.

I've got new comments, hosted by Enetation and they totally rock. Reblogger is physically capable of sucking and blowing simultaneously.

Sorry if any past comments were works of wisdom or pure poetry.
I've never found any religion that suited me or felt right. I've never felt spirituality in any church or holy site. Much less, in any web site. But this one may just change my life. And yours, too.

Also, RADIOWA on live365.com is a streaming audio-gasm.

Every day should be as sublime as Sunday. Surrounded by books, Brit, and beautiful music.

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